The Shaming Tactic Used as Motivation

Here is the simple answer... Shame is not motivating. 

 Shame is a negative.  Motivation is a positive.  They do not match and never will.

 Shame is control by of fear or obligation. I have always been very interested and completely opposed to this tactic.  I have always laughed at the lack of sense it makes and the... "doesn't look overly successful to me".

  I have always LOVED watching the dynamics of the parents who are the "narcs behind the pretty Christmas card" .. I know your kids.  They can not stand you. 

 Who do they reach out to when they are suicidal, need help or are killing themselves with an addiction?  Their friend with the big mouth who was allowed to have their own voice which led them to be able to think for themselves...

  These people need to point the finger at others so no one would look behind their facade at what was really going on in their homes.

I had flying monkey assume my dad pushed my brothers in sports and would try and get me to say he did... Nope.  They were the ones who did...(yeah, projection again). Who's kids succeeded? Hint: Not theirs. 


 What did they end up doing? You are right. They raised kids who behave just like them.  They hate other people because that is what they lived... a judgmental home where they required to wear a "false mask". 

  I'm very sorry you destroyed your children to save yourselves. They will do the same to others... I have countless examples.

 It does not need to be said again but I will say it anyway... Everything went to hell when my dad died.

 This had a dual purpose... one was to give the appearance it was all "too much", hack the job accounts and the rest of the fuckery because it wouldn't happen on my watch.  The other was SO cowardly... he was gone and his daughter and grandson were open targets. Pathetic.

 I have a few favorites of those who gave me parenting advice based on what "their parents did"... These people also gave me the "dating advice" that worked out so well...

***"My mom was single, so she would beat my brothers after they went to sleep"... I have no doubt this worked well to scare them at the time.  They became older... How did that work out for you?  THAT is a military torture tactic to break a soldier down and force them in to compliance.  No thank you.

*** "My dad would not let me in the car after losing a wrestling match and I had to walk 15 miles home... Maybe you try that with your son"... You HATE your dad, right? You HATE your mom for allowing it?  No again.

 *** Another fave is a parent bad mouthing my son for being disrespectful to me.  This person did not see any exchange of the sort. I can give plenty of reasons why this person's advice would be so dismissed by me, in addition to the "redneck shame" of his own children I did see for myself, but, I will GLADLY compare "notes"... I'm being nice by not doing that here:-)

Typically kids who appear themselves aren't hiding a whole lot...  I'll choose it any day.

Is anyone with me on the CLEAR evidence this does not work other than to create harm? This is critical thinking...

 Until people realize that CONTROL will not CHANGE any single person beyond FACE VALUE, nothing will get better.

 All of those who are screaming about "the world today"... start with your backyard. If love is fostered, self esteem grows.  With self-esteem, good choices are made.

 You can not control anyone's REAL thoughts.  They will always belong to them and it does nothing but foster hate and resentment. This is what creates the false masks worn by cluster B personalities.

These are the types of people who will forever be no contact in my life... It is where toxic "hides"...

Narc Foreshadowing = Deflection and Crazy Making

I refer to "narc speak" a lot.  It's how they get joy of "sharing" what they are ACTUALLY doing while deflecing the attention somewhere else. Always remember a magician...

 I shake my head as it physically hurts to think about to try and understand HOW in the hell someone can keep track of all of these "stories" and "people" involved. It is "character" based. 

 Let's say I am talking about my friend "A" I am speaking about ONE person in ONE body.

  Roll with me because this SHOULD confuse anyone.  ***THEIR friend "A" may represent more than one person... the actual, another person who they do not want you to know, and I think but am not completely sure possibly themselves.  ***Exchanging a male name for a female. ***The "mistress" will be assigned a different name but the referenced person will possess the same "role" or character traits as the person YOU actually know...

Here is why... They HAVE to gloat and tell you what they are doing to allow THEM to know they are getting one over on you. 

 I personally am not going to care if his mother buys him a bunch of stuff or he goes somewhere with a friend... Hint: Lies.  Mother = who really bought the stuff.  Friend= who they were really with.

 This is the simple version as the longer it goes the more twisted and thick this "performance" and "cast of characters" becomes.

 The "script"... wow.  Once you are knowledgeable of how they operate, you can learn "where they are going" with their new story versions... All to feign innocence.

 I know how the "story" has changed and constantly does due to one thing said about a certain possible "blame target"... it's ALL about deflection.

 They TELL you and then get upset that you figured it out... BUT, they can NOT stand not to tell you.   

"Those were just coincidences"... BIG NOTE: With Narcopaths there are NO coincidences.

 If I have not been discussed (have not talked about me to anyone) then "everyone" should NOT know what I was called ONLY inside the house... because "anyone" could have made that their user ID somehow tied to my e-mail... nope, doesn't match.

 Every time I ended it and started talking to anyone else, it was NOT a coincidence they knew and love bombing started again before I could get involved with anyone.

If I was "told" BEFORE something happened, not a coincidence.  If you can tell me via "character delfection" after something happens, not a coincidence.

This is a very brief description of one of their games at the time used to get away with whatever they are doing and when you finally "get it", it's crazy making 101.

That is why it gets worse AFTER it's over... Ass covering 101. 

 Don't EVER think they don't know exactly what they are doing. This is how you wind up a "victim"... This is circuit overlaod for anyone who doesn't think in order to deceive.

#Narcology

Gaslighting

There are a lot of different examples of gaslighting.  Mine was VERY stealth.

  It wasn't so much as "dismissing" me but to provide information to know a "little" but not enough... The only thing I "have" is that I can repeat verbatim on who said what. 

 The burden is on them to answer as to why they asked.  

I lived in a CONSTANT state of "wtf" with the information poured in to me... seriously.  Why would someone ask that... shake my head.  Move along.

 Ohhh... Here is where it turns back... When I ask "why", I am now "out of MY mind" for asking.  I didn't say it to start with, why am I "crazy" for asking for clarification as to what YOU said... (see how it spins around???)

 I know one of my "diagnosis" (starting in 2010) was "dementia"... (flying monkey "diagnosis" via IM, text, and once to my face as to why I was sick for an entire year)

 It was a little "something extra" my mother had with her primary illness.  It's NOT typical, there were two conflicting diagnosis, one was "non hereditary" the other is "passed down the male side only"... hmmm... appears I'm in the clear.

 Regardless, it sounds just like the movie "Gaslight" to me... agree? Actually a whole lot.

 I'm glad to say that my "dementia" did not effect my memory... Do not know if that is a blessing or a curse... I can totally understand how it can drive someone crazy.

 My "non-demented" memory did not allow it... I can repeat it all... THAT is the only "light"... my beilef in myself...  Polygraphs are real.  I am confident.

 If someone can't simply clarify WHY they asked a question or said something, they are hiding something...  There is NO point in doing this without some sort of motive. 

 I have been baited to say some CRAZY things... I can tell what prompted me to say them... I was given some sort of information in which I can recall on demand.

I simply asked for explanation and clarification of things others said that made absolutely no sense... and I'm crazy?

 #Narcology #Critical #Thinking

Photoshop,Digital Abuse,Smear Campaigns,Lies and Triangulation

I want to share this as it is so important in the "digital" world.  It is VERY easy to replicate or falisify ANYTHING with a few clicks.

  I have seen video footage that was "enhanced" to create a false story.  I was totally deceived until I started learning.

  In "narc speak" one thing my ex told me that speaks volumes while he was trying to recruit a flying monkey who is a family member is that "I had to call her because you can't replicate her voice"...

 I had no idea what he was talking about then. 

 As things have unfolded and "I" have been on "voice recordings" of transactions "I" did not authorize, I get it.

 It's all gaslighting. 

I knew there was something to a police officer asking me if ex and I has taken "dirty pictures together" in 2014.  My answer was no and still is.

 My last interaction with ex was caused by him sending me a photoshopped picture of "us" that did NOT EVER happen. 

 Withholding was his game.  Remembering our sex life is quite easy.  It was solely for his manipulation.  I see my body parts online with photoshopped changes.

 I have no idea why the pictures were made.  I can only assume for a false allegation, triangulation or to "put" me with him when I wasn't.

 I'm an adult.  If those pictures were "real", it would be fine. They aren't. 

The other issue is that an "iCloud account" was set up remotely.  I know this because I did not set it up, hence, the photos were obtained by fraud in several different ways actually. This includes text messages "going out" as well to help foster a faux "victim" story.

   I have spoken to service providers who have "me" making changes or requests I did not make.  This indicates they are either A) Lying B) Someone is calling pretending to be me. 

 "Let it go"... STOP using me in a situation I was not involved. 

 I ask this to all of the people who "bought" the "victim" story.  If a man loves a woman, he protects her.  He does not exploit her or allow anyone else to.  Right there is the ANSWER.

Yes, I am coming in on the "back" side.  I JUST received this photo.  It NOW makes sense.  The longer enablers help or say nothing, the longer the abuser has to continue for their gain. 

 #Critical #Thinking

Hiding as Healers... A Warning for Survivors

I want to throw out a very important reminder... These sick sociopaths want attention. Period.

  They will LITERALLY post made up stories in "help forums" just for attention that is not even close to applicable to them in any situation. 

My attention was first drawn to this and more anger than I can express to watch someone post as a "terminal illness" patient to gain sympathy.  My mom did die from a terminal illness and would have give anything to still be here.

 So, I don't think it is even kind of "cute" and certainly not funny. 

 I know another person (apple doesn't fall from the previous tree) who is active in this community and is VERY well versed in the verbiage and understanding of personality disorders.

 I know the true colors but others do not and that concerns me.

These groups and pages are also scoured for potential "prey" by learning about you. 

 Please listen to your gut and learn all you can.  

The Reality of "Healing"... One Step Forward, Ten Back...

Someone from the outside can't begin to understand how many obstacles are placed in your path when you have been involved in any capacity with a sociopath.  

There were YEARS that went in to discrediting.

  Once again, I am only able to gauge from "narc speak", red flags I dismissed, and the reactions from people that aren't the "right" response.

 Not only does the stress alone cause health issues that are invisible, but, if you are familiar or educated in this community, being poisoned for periods of time or drugged is not that uncommon.

 It is a LITERAL fight for your life. 

 Imagine what it feels like to be giving everything you have and the "rumor" is that you are a lazy, hypochondriac "attention seeker"?

  Imagine the anger and frustration that YOU know there was a passive aggressive "consequence" for any and all weight loss or fitness programs for YEARS...

If you try and explain it, you sound crazy but it is in fact true. 

 Imagine your eyes have black circles and bags... well, there is the "washed up drug addict"... It is all "smoke and mirrors" as you scream silently for understanding. You know it's health via abuse... No one listens.

 Then you try and understand how, knowing how things REALLY happened, so many bought in to such a lie.

 The answer is that in order to make you look bad, your strengths were the things that had to be "opposed".

 I can pretty much assure you that most rumors are probably the exact opposite of how they appear. THAT is where the strength is found to move forward... you know your strengths and so do they. 

 With all the damage done, it still feels like a huge weight around your ankle.  But, you go.  Every time you pull that "ankle" forward, you are pissed that it was done TO you.

THAT is what they don't want the outside to know.  

They still have a hold with the smear campaign and the flying monkeys... just to "remind" you and drag you back in with their twisted mind fuckery.

 Remember the "magicians game", what you don't see is where the truth lies.  

Smear Campaigns and Why They Can Be More Dangerous Than You Understand

A "bad relationship" and accusations thrown... It's more normal than not. No shared children or assets, I had no reason to think I needed to do anything but move on with my life.

Without fully realizing it, I was beat with every branch that narcissistic abuse outlines.  

I have found the MOST out of line and COMPLETELY "wrong timing" falsified legal/medical documentation that in hindsight I see that because I did NOT have the reaction (losing it) to "final discard" that I was apparently supposed to, it became someone's obsession to make those illegal actions on their part have "merit" or someone was screwed.

 Here is where the line is crossed.  There are two schools of thought A) There was a giant conspiracy to harm and nearly kill my child B) Someone else lied about his head injury... possibly saying I made it up for my "attention seeking".  

One of the alleged narcs has been rumored to have "Munchausens" and "Munchausens by Proxy".  I made my feelings of  how I felt about this very vocal. Possible "projection".

 I don't know and really don't care.  See, no matter what "limitations" of reaching out my Facebook or phone had on them, I was there.  It wasn't his fault and it wasn't mine. 

 I was the one who held his head in my hands while the base of his skull filled with an orange sized pocket of blood.  I was the one who thought my only child was going to die.

  Did I "flip out" on everyone not attending to him quickly enough? Yep.  This was not a time to "bait" or prove I was "unbalanced".  This was about HIS LIFE.

 I was very upset to see that he was being absolutely brow beat for being nearly killed by ignoring this injury. 

 Imagine my FEAR to find out after his last concussion that the symptoms he had after his first head hit post first head injury was "Post Concussion Syndrome"... Brain swelling while in the care of people who did not either A) CARE B) BELIEVE IT HAPPENED.

 This is still "in play".

  I have a son who had a traumatic brain injury in addition to at least two more concussions.  Couple that with stealth shaming and abuse, two more "non-organic" issues are in play.

 As a mother, I have a job to raise a responsible young man.  I was on track for this PRIOR to my smear campaign. He's NOT the same.  But, I should tell him to "suck it up"?

I KNOW others were okay with his possible death.  I am supposed to act like "whoever" is no longer a danger?

THIS is the game changer for those who bought only part of a story.  Everyone has always loved him. THAT is when you see others change their attitude... It happened today.

 When you throw in what REALLY happened to an innocent fifteen year old kid to hurt his mother, people change their opinion quick. 

 Now, no one wants to speak.

Why? While "buying in" to my "insanity", they signed up as accomplices for attempted murder or manslaughter.  See the problem? 

 #Criitical #Thinking

A Day in the Life...

These are the types of days to discourage forward movement.

 Last night, I received a message from Facebook that I needed to provide identification to verify my "authenticity".  After researching, I have learned that I had to have been reported to Facebook.  

Now, once again, critical thinking comes in to play.   If you have seen my Facebook page, the only thing I do is share my story or to share other members posts in the narcissistic abuse community to spread awareness.

 I would think (yes, I do that) that since I am "crazy and delusional", someone would be perfectly fine with me "showing my crazy ass" by blogging.  Shutting me down only shows it is to the benefit of someone else that I shut up.

  Once again, that is where the "answer" is. 

 I have spoken to a few ACTUAL crazy people in my life.  You dismiss them.  I am speaking the truth... why would that be a problem for anyone?

***hint***... that is your answer. 

 Here is the REAL truth.  I physically removed myself from all of it.  I moved.  I would NEVER have looked back.  It doesn't stop. That is where you question whether a narcs biggest "fear" is really "exposure"OR... does that really not matter in their insane desire to "win"?

 I have learned to "blow off" the odd things that "appear" in my house that are VERY out of place.  I take photos and go on.

 This morning, I was going to work out and three pieces of clothing were gone from my dryer.  Sure, the "dryer monster" could have gotten these things, but they are pretty substantial.  Last week, a wallet stolen in a eight minute trip to the corner store.  This has been happening for years.

It gets WORSE when I am doing things to move on with MY life.

 Go ahead and scratch your head... I get it.  Petty. 

The positive? It fueled me to have one HELL of a workout:)

#Critical #Thinking 

Visualization... The light allegedly at the end of the tunnel

This word is funny because of a narc/flying monkey, but we will overlook that...

It really is SO important.  

Visualizing the things you look forward to as you are step by step moving towards your life that was metaphorically hijacked by a sociopath... It can keep you going. 

 Create your space. 

 See yourself laughing and smiling. 

 Feel the evening wind blowing on your skin.

  Picture EVERYTHING you've ever wanted to do.

  Practice just BEING. 

 Play your favorite music.  

 Light the candles. 

 Sing in the car as loud as you can. 


 These small things are HOW you get over the humps or mountains that may happen every hour one day and less the other.

 Filling up the good one thing at a time     

Triangulation... He's ALL Yours

Triangulation is the pitting of two people against each other in a narcissistic "triangle" to compete for attention.

  Being that I don't know about anyone else, I can only assume it has been done without my participation.

 What I have "gathered"... "She and her mother are crazy".  This may or may not be true.

They would have to provide their "story" which has pretty important facts.  I do not know who "she" is or her mother...

 It also APPEARS while being in a nearly decade long relationship with me, ExN had a child that I did not know about.  He also knows my "deadline" for childbearing was set by ME and ended a decade ago.

  I was just "living my life". If he had another "woman", "life", etc... I did not know. BUT, Let's get real, if I had no clue, how did someone else become the "victim"?  

  I do not see how that could have angered anyone else unless they ARE crazy or they were absolutely lied to beyond all measure.

  Ladies, do NOT ever go after a woman over a man.  More than likely, the "supply" you give him is the drama of the attention on HIM.

 If you are hell bent on "having him", your best way of doing this is to not play his game.  If he is using you, he always will. He won't ever love or respect you.

  As a rule of thumb, I have yet to meet a man who was worth losing my mind over on PURPOSE.

 An open statement to whoever has an issue with me... I removed myself a long time ago.  

He's all yours. 

#Narcology

They DO NOT stop... The sad truth about "just move on"

Every time someone tells a survivor of abuse by a Cluster B person to "just move on", they need to be fully aware they are enabling further abuse by failure to listen and or educate themselves.

 It's not that we CAN'T move forward, it's that they will NOT stop.

  They are covert, they are sneaky and they bait to make the victim appear bat shit crazy by speaking the truth.  It SEEMS unreal.

  Trust me. I live it.  

"Having a psychotic break" would have actually been a relief in comparison and wake up from the "white jacket" and "anti-psychotic med" slumber to realize it was in fact your crazy ass, you "wake up" and you're "back to normal".

  As a living and still victimized victim of this fuckery, I know that all I would ask of anyone is to EDUCATE themselves about this. 

 READ the "guidelines and tactics" of this kind of abuse.  READ the personality types.  LISTEN to the stories of other victims who have zero to do with anyone you know or any involved party knows.

 THEN, give them the courtesy of listening.  The identity of the ACTUAL victim will reveal itself.

 So SIMPLE... The worst thing someone would have to admit is they were wrong.  I can assure you that to a victim, those who stand up and reach out are the ones they will extend understanding.

Food for thought.

Pack Mentality is Cluster B

"She is a bitch that will not take your shit"

  That would be a correct description to a point with me.

  It's a double edged sword in the "abuse arena".  I'm not your "typical" abuse victim, BUT, I do have a long history of giving the men in my life too many chances...  

"Alpha females don't run in packs"... That is true. 

 I have been always fully capable of taking up for myself and handling my own business. I do not need an audience, I do not need a "fan club".  I can back up my own shit.

No where in my "manual" does it say I am required to tolerate anything I deem "not okay" for my own life. 

  Please do not get this confused with any "super human" abilities I do not possess.  I was blindsided by a "pack" in a game I do not even pretend to understand.

  One thing I do know is a "pack" is aware of it's position.  They know they can't fight fair, so they must out number and from my experience, in a very immature and passive aggressive manner... 

Yes.  "keyboard warriors" come to mind. 

They post as other people. They will post as you and message as you.  These are packs of fools who are getting attention they so seek and loving that they are able to con the blind masses.

 If you can't approach your PERCEIVED rival in person, you have no position other than chaos causing and shit stirring.

 Look for these "ladies" on social media... ALWAYS tagging friends in to a shitty comment where they are depicting themselves as a "bad ass" or a "boss" of some sort.

 This is "Cluster B".  These fools have NO boundaries. 

 They can not stand alone and will attack anyone with a vengeance they PERCEIVE as a threat in their very delusional and fantasy set world.

 They are attention seekers to the core who hide behind faux concerns, illness, and causes. The internet and social media gave these kind an absolute prime playground to carry out their insanity.   

Envy and Cluster B... What you DON'T see says it all...

This is slippery although I'm becoming more aware in a 20/20 perspective and through my research.

 As women we are super critical on ourselves.  We all probably have a list of things we would change if we had a "magic wand". 

 Even though I was AWARE this behavior existed, I think I have really been blind to the extent.

 I can only understand from my point of view. 

 If I give a compliment, it it is genuine and meant to be kind.  I have friends with great hair that I would die for... I do not envy them for it.  I do not harbor resentment that they have something on my "wish list".

 I have struggled with my body my entire life.  A big acceptance came for me when I realized that I was never going to have the "perfect" body even if I spent 24/7 in a gym.  I can only have "my" perfect body. 

 I have had friends with GREAT bodies and would LOVE to trade some body parts... this is isn't realistic.  Once again, it did not make them less likable or deserving of friendship. 

 I have had very close friends with huge personal success.  I am full on proud of them.  They are my friend... why wouldn't I be?  This is more a rarity than I realized.

 Here is what makes this behavior go UNNOTICED... They appear to "have it all".  "Why would they be envious?".  I have been very confused as well until I started observing and thinking back. 

 It's a hole and void they can't fill no matter what they have or look like. 

 They are overly concerned with "who likes them" and putting on a false persona.  They are the GIRLS who never got out of the "junior high mentality".

  Along our paths of finding ourselves, we should stumble around and constantly grow and learn.  I know I have. We ASSUME others go through the same growth.

 This is where, in my opinion, the difference lies in cluster B personalities. 

 It has often been observed among drug addicts.  "Emotional growth is halted at around the time of their first experience with drugs".  I think as these personality disorders are studied more that there will show a clear line whether these are co-morbid or separate. The reality is that both were caused by childhood abuse or trauma. 

It is kind of a "chicken or egg" scenario.

 Despite which "path" they take the emotional growth stunt is the SAME.  They cause every bit the same amount of threat and danger to others.  An addict is easier to spot.  The most dangerous are those with the "perfect" mask... "why would they"?

That is the REALITY they want no one to know


 #Critical #Thinking              

Silencing the victim...

We have all  heard the horror and unfathomable stories of an adult trying to silence a child regarding sexual abuse.

 Even in prisons with hardened criminals the "cho mo's" are segregated for their own safety.  A child is innocent and vulnerable.

 Our hearts bleed.  I do think and agree this crime in itself warrants those feelings.

  Here is my point.  

The ABUSER wants to silence the victim.  Period.

  An abusers TACTICS are no different no matter who they are abusing or their "victim class" of choice.  The crimes are different, the tactics are not.

 Silencing the victim because "they are wrong".

They aren't wrong.  They didn't ask for it.

 To scapegoat any victim makes anyone an "abuser by proxy". 

 One thing in ANY legal case is MOTIVE.  Who has motive?  Not "account by lip service"... actual fact from all parties.

 #Critical #Thinking... Come on people

SELFIES:)

SO... While I had no idea my "selfies" were only another avenue to portray me as this self-centered "narcissistic diva", they were SO good for ME after getting out of a completely draining relationship where I was not treated like a woman and had not felt "attractive" in years.

 It's the person behind the selfie. 

 You know your motives.  My ex was blocked from my social media (so I thought), so it was in no attempt to provoke jealousy.

It was a way of trying to gain back a part of me that been slowly stripped away.

As empaths with the ability to self reflect, we are always questioning ourselves.  You know your motives.  I they are solid, don't listen to anyone else.

 Anything to "bring you back to life" and better than you were is okay. 



*** Little flying monkey/narc story "selfie related":  My lips have ALWAYS been an "issue" for others.  They were great until they "needed not to be".  We had a family "friend" who for YEARS begged me for sex... like bad begged. It was never going to happen... why worry about it?

  He was recruited as a flying monkey.  Here is a "script flip"for you. 

 My lips are now an issue.  They are  NOW "giving off the wrong impression". While fake crying in the name of my recently deceased father, he decides to take the "moral high ground".

First of all, my dad trusted I could make my own decisions. The person in questions was a several decade "not ever going to happen".  Second of all, how in the hell do you pull the "moral card" when your deck is so not full?

 My lips were the same.  I would assume he wanted those lips for his own gain at some point due to his previous actions.

That is RIGHT.  I never shared personal details of my life or relationships with him because they weren't any of his DAMNED business.

It NEVER adds up... #Narcology    

I think I'm better than everyone else...

This is a great tactic in devaluing...

"You think you are better than everyone else".  

This is MEANT to mean shallow and more on the materialistic side.

  Nope.

  In my 'big" house and my "fancy" cars, I realized even MORE than I had before that I did not like "shallow" even from a higher view. 

•  I do think I am better than anyone who is a flat shitty person.
•  I do think I am better than someone who hides behind deceit
•  I do think I am better than someone who can't step up in the face of abuse to another.  
•  I do think I am better than those who can not or will not apologize and make amends for their own actions
•  I do think I am better than a thief.
•  I do think I am better than a pathological liar
•  I do think I am better than crazy women who stalk and harass children
•  I do think I am better than someone actively fostering harm
•  I do think I am better than those who live a lie

 For all the reasons "I think I am better"... Not one of them is by moral default.  I have named not one thing I would not do myself.

 Switch this to an abuser or flying monkey... how would they line up? 

 #Narcology        

Flying Monkeys... Just say NO

***Think of a good smear campaign like "multi-level marketing"*** 

 You are the product. The "designer" of the product is the narcopath.   The longer the time that goes by, the larger your "downstream".  The "product developer" knows YOU, the "product" better than anyone, maybe the first and second "downstream" do as well. The ones the furthest down have NOTHING of personal knowing you in order to base their "participation" other than what they have been CONVINCED or simply told what to say or do.

  Also, please keep in mind that on large scale smear, there is nothing a vengeful sociopath will NOT say or produce simply counting on the fact that they think others are so stupid they will believe it without question.

 These are some "tips" to save you from the "story" getting so far out of control that it is INSANE... Narc was counting on this...

***People start saying and asking odd things... You not only may wonder what in the hell is wrong with them, but why would they ask me?  Think phone calls from everyone wanting your opinion on things that people with not a close enough relationship to you would ask and certainly not divulge about themselves.  THEY ARE BAITING YOU.

 For me, I'm highly opinionated and employ critical thinking.  If it doesn't add up, there is a problem.  

 ***This is a big one I wish I had know too... Watch for anyone who when you call them, they ALWAYS miss the call and have to call you back... This is for the caller A) to prepare for the call B) Either be recording or having it on "speaker"... This can be and usually is a dumb ass flying monkey.

 Here is some dialogue I have experienced in a job interview (my job accounts have been "suspended" for over four years to "help" me look like someone "needed" me to)... Q: Have you ever been charged with a felony? A: No Q: Are you sure? A: Yes.  Q: Like maybe a pot charge from like 7 years ago? I had one person that had a felony conviction of "embezzlement" and it didn't show up but the pot charge did... Just let me know before the background check  A: Noooo.

  Lets break this down: A) In addition to my faux "mental health issues", I can only assume there is a rumor about me being a criminal.  B) As an employer, I would be MUCH more concerned of embezzlement than a "pot charge"... neither applies to me, but let's get real.

 Here is the BOOM... Another part of a rumor about you comes up in a separate situation.  You know the SAME flying monkey has NO CLUE because of their APPROPRIATE reaction. These are NOT bad people.  They chose to believe something not true.

Here is where the problem is.  If it crosses over to your employment, your livelihood and ability to support yourself and family is sabotaged. Not only does speaking up make you sound as crazy as the sociopath wants you to, but every time you go through "having to keep your mouth shut", it inflicts the trauma.

THIS is where "PTSD" stays at "TSD"... No past tense.

  This has happened in more than one scenario.  This is where it continues victimizing.  They people "downstream" who continue to participate, put themselves in liability for being STUPID.  Once again, the VICTIM continues to be VICTIMIZED for a string of lies that no one will just STOP. 

 The solution is simple yet obviously just too much for some. 

 Be straight up.  "I heard you were bat shit crazy, you are an attention seeker and lie about really stupid things FULLY knowing you sound crazy, a criminal, a liar, etc... Do you have anything to refute these accusations?"... Why, yes I do. See? Problem solved.

 I am a smart girl. 

 I KNOW what it sounds like and I do know when to STFU.

 I'm a "recovering doormat".  By keeping quiet, I'm still being one. 

 The reality is that I am a life long scapegoat an co-dependent completely enmeshed with sick and toxic people with NPD.  THAT was my issue.  Nothing else.  I have this question.  For those feigning "concern", wouldn't you rather me heal the issues I ACTUALLY have?  Any different says you have a self serving agenda.

 #Critical #Thinking              

FIve Years Out...

 I had no idea that while spending the last several years trying to figure out what in the hell was going on that I was supposed to be defending myself by talking about a relationship that came to an end for very real and healthy reasons with me.

  I should have ended it long before I did.

  I had NO clue I would have to pay dearly for leaving what I absolutely should have. #Critical #Thinking...

 I met people after we broke up.  I did NOT bad mouth or betray the trust of that relationship.  On either side of the coin, whether I am the "crazy loon" or not, why was what was seemingly the "end of a relationship" that ended five years ago still an issue?

 Because a different story than I was aware had been building for a very long time... Why would I even think to defend myself?

 If I had been "guilty" of these things, "covering my ass" would have probably been a good idea on my part... that would require me to have a well thought out and sneaky personality.

 Oops... I don't have a sneaky bone in my body.

 Ask ExN.  He used to make fun of me for it. "Sneaky" and "Shady" are not qualities that manifest after forty years.  Once again... #Critical #Thinking 

Trying to find my "niche"

There is a lot of fabulous information out there about narcissistic personality disorder.

Understanding is absolutely key to breaking the cycle and healing.

 My story is off the charts. I actually got the "validation" from ExN that had "all of this happened to him, he would commit suicide"... wishful thinking for him. 

 He can't tell ME I'm crazy, on drugs, unstable, an attention seeker, a liar, bad mother, some sort of "monster", etc... He knows those are all lies as do I... He can't sell them to me and he knows it.  He can sell those lies to others apparently because he counts on their being "stupid"... They totally get off on the con.

  He has tried to omit himself from the obvious fuckery by blaming everyone else.  This is where it gets so difficult to explain... how they operate.

  Being years of main supply (as in appearing to have some sort of like together), we had "our" thing.  That is not the same "thing", aka, "mask" he will wear with someone else.  In hindsight, finding out that the "life" he had before me does not exist, what was it?

 This type behavior is in the sociopath category.

  I think one of my biggest issues is the full commitment of the flying monkeys to simply accept what they hear as fact.

  I know I have received texts appearing to be from my actual friends and they did not did not send.  I have received some that are so not even legible from people who have no problems with articulation. I have seen Facebook post from people very close to me that are "too wrong" for them to have written...

 Yet, "they saw the texts".  I have YET to see these texts.  I think it's so sad that their "commitment to the cause" makes them a bigger source of amusement for "being so stupid" in the eyes of the sociopath.

 I think as I have gone through this and am fully aware I do know smart people, I am very much in shock that simple critical thinking isn't used.

 I hope maybe me shedding some light on that will help other victims have less suffering.  #Critical #Thinking

Permission to be exactly where I am

One thing that has been a constant for me is defending myself based on very covert judgement of others.

Giving myself permission to be exactly where I am and be exactly who I am has been SUCH a vital process in my healing.

 What people do not realize is with covert narcs and their flying monkeys are the subtle jabs.  As someone who really does want to be the best I can, I have looked closely at all of them.

 In my closest relationships, there are some things I did re-evaluate. I am certainly not without flaw.  I have learned lessons that I am grateful despite the fuckery.

 Those who taunted me on Facebook about what type clothes I wear or what kind of car I choose to drive can kiss my ass... ***I would delete the comments because I didn't like drawing the attention*** For reference, this is a RED FLAG I dismissed. Bad idea. These people are not "just weird", they are full on insane.  

 Normal and well adjusted people do not spend that sort of time and energy concerning themselves about such petty things that have ZERO effect on them..

 It is an insecurity that belongs to THEM.

 I had a very nice "name brand" car that I bought for an absolute steal.  Those who constantly talked about it on social media and even went as far as to throw things and act like children when it had NOTHING to do with them... not only acted like bratty 4 year olds, but had vehicles with  payments that placed theirs at double the cost of mine.

No one was concerned about this being a "good purchase"... looking out for my best interest, but it was the brand that bothered them. It was their issue.

This is where you have to do "narc decoding"... It's kind of like "sentence diagramming". No matter how many steps you have to decipher, it will always end up as the narcissists issue with THEMSELVES.

 I also have to give myself permission to heal myself in whatever way works for me.  I have been "diagnosed" by my "peanut gallery" for some great things (seriously good)... DX by text and Facebook... Nope. Not even kidding.

  I bring this up because your emotions going through this are all over the place.  Those same emotions have been toyed with and each deserves attention. 

 I may get really mad, fired up and go over the top with my "bad ass" or confidence I had in myself.  I have to FEEL it again to remember.  One memory may have me in tears.

Lol... THIS is where we SHOULD seem the most bi-polar.

 We all get played on our personal strengths and weaknesses. They are very individual. I am more than aware that those who are FULLY committed to turning things to support their agenda, will do so no matter what I say or write.

 I could have been ass deep in scripture for the past three years and I would have "lost my mind and probably in a cult"...You can't win.

 So, just like I do myself, give yourself permission to feel whatever.

Actions are controllable, feelings are not.

 Anger is a VERY appropriate emotion, just don't do anything stupid.  Yes.  Being pushed to the point of acting on it is the goal... Yes. It sounds DAMNED good.  Just don't.

 In between the highs and lows, if you go through it all, you will wind up somewhere in the middle as your best self.  

Narcissism vs. Narcissistic Personality Disorder made SIMPLE

I have been an avid observer of family dynamics, psychology, and what makes people tick for the majority of my life.  This is due to being crowned #1 scapegoat in a constant state of "WTF"...

   I am not a fan of "by the book"... "clinical". 

 Just like googling physical illness and coming up with everything from a common cold to kidney failure, psychology and the DSM are no different.

 I know a great deal of people from every single walk of life.

  I know people who you would certainly call narcissistic. From a "personal" point of view, that is "asshole syndrome" and really none of anyone's business.

 You may choose to be around them or not. 

 They may cause you to feel like shit and maybe do shitty things.

 There is a VERY clear cut line between the two and it is very simple.  INTENT.  Repeat this again. INTENT.  We have all hurt others not meaning to.

 Hopefully for the majority of us, this is an awful feeling.  

People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder fully plan without any care of the target to HARM.  It is PREMEDITATED.

  These people will stoop lower than you can fathom. 

 From my experience, it's the LEAST obvious. Another repeat.  LEAST OBVIOUS.  Someone who just a narcissistic asshole is just that.  Someone who is EVIL and under the radar MUST wear a "mask" to deceive... and that can be those in the professions to help and heal because they get off on it.

 I am very tired of reading ... "Well, is this person borderline, histronic, etc..." Who gives a shit??? 

 You don't like them, remove yourself.  Simple.

  This minimizes a very serious and dangerous problem.

 I'm keeping this simple because when you are in REAL danger vs. hurt feelings "who is what so I can fix them or mend our relationship" is a different matter entirely.

 Someone who will PURPOSELY cause harm without any remorse will kill you if they can. Period.

My Story

I come from a family with many a narcissist and plenty of active addiction.  (I could SO go off and branch out on this right now) There is nothing healthy to come from this dynamic.

  THEREFORE, I have known MANY malignant narcissists in my life.       

I am not a survivor who will say "I am so healthy and I do not know why I attract certain people in my life".  BULLSHIT to anyone who does.

 I have been observing my entire life as "HSIC" (Head Scapegoat in Charge) and a heart full of love empath.  Ha! I can tell you while I am BEYOND grateful and have been for a long time of this very difficult "combination", it would have been an easier life to have been a narcissist or empath... One or the other.

When my dad died and ExN did his final discard (essentially on the same day), I was supposed to APPEAR that it was "too much" and I had a "breakdown".  This "reasoning" is such a no-brainer for critical thinking... IT WAS BUYABLE.  

NEWSFLASH! I loved my dad beyond words and this was no secret.  I had spent nearly forty years worried about him and doing whatever I could to try and save him. There was some relief in the pain. All at once, I "lost" two "energy suckers" from my life. I felt so FREE.  For once in my damned life.

JOKE ON ME

Critical thinking point #1: Only COWARDS to their core would attack at this point.  This is PRIME TIME for them.  Funny that there were never very big lines crossed with me when he was alive AND he was the bridge to my brother... You don't go after someone's daughter or sister without consequence. Oh yeah... EVERYONE knew this.

All of a sudden I was "God's gift to men".  I could not keep them away... MY OFFICE was the hot spot.  I had men bolting across parking lots to speak of my "beauty"... I was being "groomed" for the ass showing of my life.

 At the time, I thought "Omg... Look at me"... I am SO WORTHY and the grass is SO much greener than where I was...  NOW, Jesus Christ... WTF???

I AM INCAPABLE AND UNWILLING OF FUCKING UP MY LIFE ON MY OWN...

Insane sociopaths are willing to lend a hand... From hacking my employment accounts, destroying my property, stealing my possessions, remotely accessing my internet connection, texting as me, Facebooking as me, posting as me... BAITING FOR A FALSE AND INACCURATE "PICTURE".... 

SHIT CAN GET REAL... FAST! 

The BLINDSIDE... I am a tech tard.  Duh... Get me talking about hacking, computers, the remote shit coming up on my laptop by ITSELF (REPEATING the Charles Manson video sealed my fate on "crazy")... I was a blithering idiot.  GOT ME.  Oh... I was FANTASTIC:)

GOAL:  DRIVE her crazy... shit, didn't work... maker her LOOK crazy... MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.    

Destruction on this level has many "flying monkeys", "sheep" who have been lied to, and bits and pieces "hidden" where not one person knows the entirety.  There are definite "sides".  In my "fuckery", someone(s) are fully committed to this being for my "own good". I'll go more in to that later... Just roll with me.

As far as ExN goes, I have ZERO idea where he has been since he left MY house for a destination or two in which he never arrived.  I also know there is another "side"... Just not clear on exactly who.

SO, I get the "bullet points" but I don't know the story.  That should seem VERY odd to anyone with processing ability.

Hmmm... Here I sit with all of these pieces and am fully aware of some who were DIRECTLY involved.  ***I*** am NOT afraid of a "come to Jesus" with several parties.  I have cleared a FULL background check in two states.  I am free to ROAM.  I have never had to deal with any law enforcement or state agency on ANYTHING relating to my conduct. 

HINT: Sociopaths will forge or construct any paperwork that works in their favor.

SO... This says I am willing to work this out like an adult and have begged to do so.  Sides will not come together.  No one is afraid of me.  People are more than welcome not to like me.  They are NOT allowed to cause harm or enable abuse.  

Just in this very vague outline, critical thinking should send a RED FLAG there is a disconnect in stories they have heard.  THIS is why I have SO FREAKING  little tolerance for stupidity and those who refuse to THINK.

It REALLY is all about me... Suck it up Buttercup:-)

So,,, In the fuckery and dynamics of a full on smear campaign, I have been called and accused of everything under the sun.

Narcissistic people LOVE projection.  

Some of the thing I have been accused of are the acts of someone other than myself and I truly fear for any community this person or persons is a member, however, one of the things used to try and "make me small" was calling me a "know it all."

Well folks, she is back.  I thank you for adding more knowledge to my arsenal so I can steer clear of toxic and sick people.

Here is the oxymoron:  Those who have called me a "know it all" were the first to be in line when they had a question or problem they needed solved. 

 ***NOTE*** Narcissists can only manipulate you or devalue you if they know your strengths.  They are MASTERS of reading others.

 Self esteem recovery tip #1:  If someone with a cluster B personality disorder professes DISLIKE about YOU, it is a STRENGTH in you that they do not possess beyond the surface of the "false mask" they wear.

"Keeping score" isn't a healthy attitude per se, BUT, in rebuilding the mind fuckery of this kind of stealth abuse, realizing you were always good enough can be used to "find" who you were before you got blindsided and from it happening again.

Turning those perceived negatives back in to a positive charge is where recovery happens.

It really is all about ME. I was there for ME when no one wasn't. I picked MYSELF up. It's MY survival.

The thing about these people and their tactics is to "prove" you are exactly as they want you seen for their "VICTIMHOOD"... The truth is that they will find something to say so SAY IT ANYWAY!