A Day in the Life...

These are the types of days to discourage forward movement.

 Last night, I received a message from Facebook that I needed to provide identification to verify my "authenticity".  After researching, I have learned that I had to have been reported to Facebook.  

Now, once again, critical thinking comes in to play.   If you have seen my Facebook page, the only thing I do is share my story or to share other members posts in the narcissistic abuse community to spread awareness.

 I would think (yes, I do that) that since I am "crazy and delusional", someone would be perfectly fine with me "showing my crazy ass" by blogging.  Shutting me down only shows it is to the benefit of someone else that I shut up.

  Once again, that is where the "answer" is. 

 I have spoken to a few ACTUAL crazy people in my life.  You dismiss them.  I am speaking the truth... why would that be a problem for anyone?

***hint***... that is your answer. 

 Here is the REAL truth.  I physically removed myself from all of it.  I moved.  I would NEVER have looked back.  It doesn't stop. That is where you question whether a narcs biggest "fear" is really "exposure"OR... does that really not matter in their insane desire to "win"?

 I have learned to "blow off" the odd things that "appear" in my house that are VERY out of place.  I take photos and go on.

 This morning, I was going to work out and three pieces of clothing were gone from my dryer.  Sure, the "dryer monster" could have gotten these things, but they are pretty substantial.  Last week, a wallet stolen in a eight minute trip to the corner store.  This has been happening for years.

It gets WORSE when I am doing things to move on with MY life.

 Go ahead and scratch your head... I get it.  Petty. 

The positive? It fueled me to have one HELL of a workout:)

#Critical #Thinking 

Visualization... The light allegedly at the end of the tunnel

This word is funny because of a narc/flying monkey, but we will overlook that...

It really is SO important.  

Visualizing the things you look forward to as you are step by step moving towards your life that was metaphorically hijacked by a sociopath... It can keep you going. 

 Create your space. 

 See yourself laughing and smiling. 

 Feel the evening wind blowing on your skin.

  Picture EVERYTHING you've ever wanted to do.

  Practice just BEING. 

 Play your favorite music.  

 Light the candles. 

 Sing in the car as loud as you can. 


 These small things are HOW you get over the humps or mountains that may happen every hour one day and less the other.

 Filling up the good one thing at a time     

Triangulation... He's ALL Yours

Triangulation is the pitting of two people against each other in a narcissistic "triangle" to compete for attention.

  Being that I don't know about anyone else, I can only assume it has been done without my participation.

 What I have "gathered"... "She and her mother are crazy".  This may or may not be true.

They would have to provide their "story" which has pretty important facts.  I do not know who "she" is or her mother...

 It also APPEARS while being in a nearly decade long relationship with me, ExN had a child that I did not know about.  He also knows my "deadline" for childbearing was set by ME and ended a decade ago.

  I was just "living my life". If he had another "woman", "life", etc... I did not know. BUT, Let's get real, if I had no clue, how did someone else become the "victim"?  

  I do not see how that could have angered anyone else unless they ARE crazy or they were absolutely lied to beyond all measure.

  Ladies, do NOT ever go after a woman over a man.  More than likely, the "supply" you give him is the drama of the attention on HIM.

 If you are hell bent on "having him", your best way of doing this is to not play his game.  If he is using you, he always will. He won't ever love or respect you.

  As a rule of thumb, I have yet to meet a man who was worth losing my mind over on PURPOSE.

 An open statement to whoever has an issue with me... I removed myself a long time ago.  

He's all yours. 

#Narcology

They DO NOT stop... The sad truth about "just move on"

Every time someone tells a survivor of abuse by a Cluster B person to "just move on", they need to be fully aware they are enabling further abuse by failure to listen and or educate themselves.

 It's not that we CAN'T move forward, it's that they will NOT stop.

  They are covert, they are sneaky and they bait to make the victim appear bat shit crazy by speaking the truth.  It SEEMS unreal.

  Trust me. I live it.  

"Having a psychotic break" would have actually been a relief in comparison and wake up from the "white jacket" and "anti-psychotic med" slumber to realize it was in fact your crazy ass, you "wake up" and you're "back to normal".

  As a living and still victimized victim of this fuckery, I know that all I would ask of anyone is to EDUCATE themselves about this. 

 READ the "guidelines and tactics" of this kind of abuse.  READ the personality types.  LISTEN to the stories of other victims who have zero to do with anyone you know or any involved party knows.

 THEN, give them the courtesy of listening.  The identity of the ACTUAL victim will reveal itself.

 So SIMPLE... The worst thing someone would have to admit is they were wrong.  I can assure you that to a victim, those who stand up and reach out are the ones they will extend understanding.

Food for thought.

Pack Mentality is Cluster B

"She is a bitch that will not take your shit"

  That would be a correct description to a point with me.

  It's a double edged sword in the "abuse arena".  I'm not your "typical" abuse victim, BUT, I do have a long history of giving the men in my life too many chances...  

"Alpha females don't run in packs"... That is true. 

 I have been always fully capable of taking up for myself and handling my own business. I do not need an audience, I do not need a "fan club".  I can back up my own shit.

No where in my "manual" does it say I am required to tolerate anything I deem "not okay" for my own life. 

  Please do not get this confused with any "super human" abilities I do not possess.  I was blindsided by a "pack" in a game I do not even pretend to understand.

  One thing I do know is a "pack" is aware of it's position.  They know they can't fight fair, so they must out number and from my experience, in a very immature and passive aggressive manner... 

Yes.  "keyboard warriors" come to mind. 

They post as other people. They will post as you and message as you.  These are packs of fools who are getting attention they so seek and loving that they are able to con the blind masses.

 If you can't approach your PERCEIVED rival in person, you have no position other than chaos causing and shit stirring.

 Look for these "ladies" on social media... ALWAYS tagging friends in to a shitty comment where they are depicting themselves as a "bad ass" or a "boss" of some sort.

 This is "Cluster B".  These fools have NO boundaries. 

 They can not stand alone and will attack anyone with a vengeance they PERCEIVE as a threat in their very delusional and fantasy set world.

 They are attention seekers to the core who hide behind faux concerns, illness, and causes. The internet and social media gave these kind an absolute prime playground to carry out their insanity.   

Envy and Cluster B... What you DON'T see says it all...

This is slippery although I'm becoming more aware in a 20/20 perspective and through my research.

 As women we are super critical on ourselves.  We all probably have a list of things we would change if we had a "magic wand". 

 Even though I was AWARE this behavior existed, I think I have really been blind to the extent.

 I can only understand from my point of view. 

 If I give a compliment, it it is genuine and meant to be kind.  I have friends with great hair that I would die for... I do not envy them for it.  I do not harbor resentment that they have something on my "wish list".

 I have struggled with my body my entire life.  A big acceptance came for me when I realized that I was never going to have the "perfect" body even if I spent 24/7 in a gym.  I can only have "my" perfect body. 

 I have had friends with GREAT bodies and would LOVE to trade some body parts... this is isn't realistic.  Once again, it did not make them less likable or deserving of friendship. 

 I have had very close friends with huge personal success.  I am full on proud of them.  They are my friend... why wouldn't I be?  This is more a rarity than I realized.

 Here is what makes this behavior go UNNOTICED... They appear to "have it all".  "Why would they be envious?".  I have been very confused as well until I started observing and thinking back. 

 It's a hole and void they can't fill no matter what they have or look like. 

 They are overly concerned with "who likes them" and putting on a false persona.  They are the GIRLS who never got out of the "junior high mentality".

  Along our paths of finding ourselves, we should stumble around and constantly grow and learn.  I know I have. We ASSUME others go through the same growth.

 This is where, in my opinion, the difference lies in cluster B personalities. 

 It has often been observed among drug addicts.  "Emotional growth is halted at around the time of their first experience with drugs".  I think as these personality disorders are studied more that there will show a clear line whether these are co-morbid or separate. The reality is that both were caused by childhood abuse or trauma. 

It is kind of a "chicken or egg" scenario.

 Despite which "path" they take the emotional growth stunt is the SAME.  They cause every bit the same amount of threat and danger to others.  An addict is easier to spot.  The most dangerous are those with the "perfect" mask... "why would they"?

That is the REALITY they want no one to know


 #Critical #Thinking              

Silencing the victim...

We have all  heard the horror and unfathomable stories of an adult trying to silence a child regarding sexual abuse.

 Even in prisons with hardened criminals the "cho mo's" are segregated for their own safety.  A child is innocent and vulnerable.

 Our hearts bleed.  I do think and agree this crime in itself warrants those feelings.

  Here is my point.  

The ABUSER wants to silence the victim.  Period.

  An abusers TACTICS are no different no matter who they are abusing or their "victim class" of choice.  The crimes are different, the tactics are not.

 Silencing the victim because "they are wrong".

They aren't wrong.  They didn't ask for it.

 To scapegoat any victim makes anyone an "abuser by proxy". 

 One thing in ANY legal case is MOTIVE.  Who has motive?  Not "account by lip service"... actual fact from all parties.

 #Critical #Thinking... Come on people