The Shaming Tactic Used as Motivation

Here is the simple answer... Shame is not motivating. 

 Shame is a negative.  Motivation is a positive.  They do not match and never will.

 Shame is control by of fear or obligation. I have always been very interested and completely opposed to this tactic.  I have always laughed at the lack of sense it makes and the... "doesn't look overly successful to me".

  I have always LOVED watching the dynamics of the parents who are the "narcs behind the pretty Christmas card" .. I know your kids.  They can not stand you. 

 Who do they reach out to when they are suicidal, need help or are killing themselves with an addiction?  Their friend with the big mouth who was allowed to have their own voice which led them to be able to think for themselves...

  These people need to point the finger at others so no one would look behind their facade at what was really going on in their homes.

I had flying monkey assume my dad pushed my brothers in sports and would try and get me to say he did... Nope.  They were the ones who did...(yeah, projection again). Who's kids succeeded? Hint: Not theirs. 


 What did they end up doing? You are right. They raised kids who behave just like them.  They hate other people because that is what they lived... a judgmental home where they required to wear a "false mask". 

  I'm very sorry you destroyed your children to save yourselves. They will do the same to others... I have countless examples.

 It does not need to be said again but I will say it anyway... Everything went to hell when my dad died.

 This had a dual purpose... one was to give the appearance it was all "too much", hack the job accounts and the rest of the fuckery because it wouldn't happen on my watch.  The other was SO cowardly... he was gone and his daughter and grandson were open targets. Pathetic.

 I have a few favorites of those who gave me parenting advice based on what "their parents did"... These people also gave me the "dating advice" that worked out so well...

***"My mom was single, so she would beat my brothers after they went to sleep"... I have no doubt this worked well to scare them at the time.  They became older... How did that work out for you?  THAT is a military torture tactic to break a soldier down and force them in to compliance.  No thank you.

*** "My dad would not let me in the car after losing a wrestling match and I had to walk 15 miles home... Maybe you try that with your son"... You HATE your dad, right? You HATE your mom for allowing it?  No again.

 *** Another fave is a parent bad mouthing my son for being disrespectful to me.  This person did not see any exchange of the sort. I can give plenty of reasons why this person's advice would be so dismissed by me, in addition to the "redneck shame" of his own children I did see for myself, but, I will GLADLY compare "notes"... I'm being nice by not doing that here:-)

Typically kids who appear themselves aren't hiding a whole lot...  I'll choose it any day.

Is anyone with me on the CLEAR evidence this does not work other than to create harm? This is critical thinking...

 Until people realize that CONTROL will not CHANGE any single person beyond FACE VALUE, nothing will get better.

 All of those who are screaming about "the world today"... start with your backyard. If love is fostered, self esteem grows.  With self-esteem, good choices are made.

 You can not control anyone's REAL thoughts.  They will always belong to them and it does nothing but foster hate and resentment. This is what creates the false masks worn by cluster B personalities.

These are the types of people who will forever be no contact in my life... It is where toxic "hides"...

Narc Foreshadowing = Deflection and Crazy Making

I refer to "narc speak" a lot.  It's how they get joy of "sharing" what they are ACTUALLY doing while deflecing the attention somewhere else. Always remember a magician...

 I shake my head as it physically hurts to think about to try and understand HOW in the hell someone can keep track of all of these "stories" and "people" involved. It is "character" based. 

 Let's say I am talking about my friend "A" I am speaking about ONE person in ONE body.

  Roll with me because this SHOULD confuse anyone.  ***THEIR friend "A" may represent more than one person... the actual, another person who they do not want you to know, and I think but am not completely sure possibly themselves.  ***Exchanging a male name for a female. ***The "mistress" will be assigned a different name but the referenced person will possess the same "role" or character traits as the person YOU actually know...

Here is why... They HAVE to gloat and tell you what they are doing to allow THEM to know they are getting one over on you. 

 I personally am not going to care if his mother buys him a bunch of stuff or he goes somewhere with a friend... Hint: Lies.  Mother = who really bought the stuff.  Friend= who they were really with.

 This is the simple version as the longer it goes the more twisted and thick this "performance" and "cast of characters" becomes.

 The "script"... wow.  Once you are knowledgeable of how they operate, you can learn "where they are going" with their new story versions... All to feign innocence.

 I know how the "story" has changed and constantly does due to one thing said about a certain possible "blame target"... it's ALL about deflection.

 They TELL you and then get upset that you figured it out... BUT, they can NOT stand not to tell you.   

"Those were just coincidences"... BIG NOTE: With Narcopaths there are NO coincidences.

 If I have not been discussed (have not talked about me to anyone) then "everyone" should NOT know what I was called ONLY inside the house... because "anyone" could have made that their user ID somehow tied to my e-mail... nope, doesn't match.

 Every time I ended it and started talking to anyone else, it was NOT a coincidence they knew and love bombing started again before I could get involved with anyone.

If I was "told" BEFORE something happened, not a coincidence.  If you can tell me via "character delfection" after something happens, not a coincidence.

This is a very brief description of one of their games at the time used to get away with whatever they are doing and when you finally "get it", it's crazy making 101.

That is why it gets worse AFTER it's over... Ass covering 101. 

 Don't EVER think they don't know exactly what they are doing. This is how you wind up a "victim"... This is circuit overlaod for anyone who doesn't think in order to deceive.

#Narcology

Gaslighting

There are a lot of different examples of gaslighting.  Mine was VERY stealth.

  It wasn't so much as "dismissing" me but to provide information to know a "little" but not enough... The only thing I "have" is that I can repeat verbatim on who said what. 

 The burden is on them to answer as to why they asked.  

I lived in a CONSTANT state of "wtf" with the information poured in to me... seriously.  Why would someone ask that... shake my head.  Move along.

 Ohhh... Here is where it turns back... When I ask "why", I am now "out of MY mind" for asking.  I didn't say it to start with, why am I "crazy" for asking for clarification as to what YOU said... (see how it spins around???)

 I know one of my "diagnosis" (starting in 2010) was "dementia"... (flying monkey "diagnosis" via IM, text, and once to my face as to why I was sick for an entire year)

 It was a little "something extra" my mother had with her primary illness.  It's NOT typical, there were two conflicting diagnosis, one was "non hereditary" the other is "passed down the male side only"... hmmm... appears I'm in the clear.

 Regardless, it sounds just like the movie "Gaslight" to me... agree? Actually a whole lot.

 I'm glad to say that my "dementia" did not effect my memory... Do not know if that is a blessing or a curse... I can totally understand how it can drive someone crazy.

 My "non-demented" memory did not allow it... I can repeat it all... THAT is the only "light"... my beilef in myself...  Polygraphs are real.  I am confident.

 If someone can't simply clarify WHY they asked a question or said something, they are hiding something...  There is NO point in doing this without some sort of motive. 

 I have been baited to say some CRAZY things... I can tell what prompted me to say them... I was given some sort of information in which I can recall on demand.

I simply asked for explanation and clarification of things others said that made absolutely no sense... and I'm crazy?

 #Narcology #Critical #Thinking

Photoshop,Digital Abuse,Smear Campaigns,Lies and Triangulation

I want to share this as it is so important in the "digital" world.  It is VERY easy to replicate or falisify ANYTHING with a few clicks.

  I have seen video footage that was "enhanced" to create a false story.  I was totally deceived until I started learning.

  In "narc speak" one thing my ex told me that speaks volumes while he was trying to recruit a flying monkey who is a family member is that "I had to call her because you can't replicate her voice"...

 I had no idea what he was talking about then. 

 As things have unfolded and "I" have been on "voice recordings" of transactions "I" did not authorize, I get it.

 It's all gaslighting. 

I knew there was something to a police officer asking me if ex and I has taken "dirty pictures together" in 2014.  My answer was no and still is.

 My last interaction with ex was caused by him sending me a photoshopped picture of "us" that did NOT EVER happen. 

 Withholding was his game.  Remembering our sex life is quite easy.  It was solely for his manipulation.  I see my body parts online with photoshopped changes.

 I have no idea why the pictures were made.  I can only assume for a false allegation, triangulation or to "put" me with him when I wasn't.

 I'm an adult.  If those pictures were "real", it would be fine. They aren't. 

The other issue is that an "iCloud account" was set up remotely.  I know this because I did not set it up, hence, the photos were obtained by fraud in several different ways actually. This includes text messages "going out" as well to help foster a faux "victim" story.

   I have spoken to service providers who have "me" making changes or requests I did not make.  This indicates they are either A) Lying B) Someone is calling pretending to be me. 

 "Let it go"... STOP using me in a situation I was not involved. 

 I ask this to all of the people who "bought" the "victim" story.  If a man loves a woman, he protects her.  He does not exploit her or allow anyone else to.  Right there is the ANSWER.

Yes, I am coming in on the "back" side.  I JUST received this photo.  It NOW makes sense.  The longer enablers help or say nothing, the longer the abuser has to continue for their gain. 

 #Critical #Thinking

Hiding as Healers... A Warning for Survivors

I want to throw out a very important reminder... These sick sociopaths want attention. Period.

  They will LITERALLY post made up stories in "help forums" just for attention that is not even close to applicable to them in any situation. 

My attention was first drawn to this and more anger than I can express to watch someone post as a "terminal illness" patient to gain sympathy.  My mom did die from a terminal illness and would have give anything to still be here.

 So, I don't think it is even kind of "cute" and certainly not funny. 

 I know another person (apple doesn't fall from the previous tree) who is active in this community and is VERY well versed in the verbiage and understanding of personality disorders.

 I know the true colors but others do not and that concerns me.

These groups and pages are also scoured for potential "prey" by learning about you. 

 Please listen to your gut and learn all you can.  

The Reality of "Healing"... One Step Forward, Ten Back...

Someone from the outside can't begin to understand how many obstacles are placed in your path when you have been involved in any capacity with a sociopath.  

There were YEARS that went in to discrediting.

  Once again, I am only able to gauge from "narc speak", red flags I dismissed, and the reactions from people that aren't the "right" response.

 Not only does the stress alone cause health issues that are invisible, but, if you are familiar or educated in this community, being poisoned for periods of time or drugged is not that uncommon.

 It is a LITERAL fight for your life. 

 Imagine what it feels like to be giving everything you have and the "rumor" is that you are a lazy, hypochondriac "attention seeker"?

  Imagine the anger and frustration that YOU know there was a passive aggressive "consequence" for any and all weight loss or fitness programs for YEARS...

If you try and explain it, you sound crazy but it is in fact true. 

 Imagine your eyes have black circles and bags... well, there is the "washed up drug addict"... It is all "smoke and mirrors" as you scream silently for understanding. You know it's health via abuse... No one listens.

 Then you try and understand how, knowing how things REALLY happened, so many bought in to such a lie.

 The answer is that in order to make you look bad, your strengths were the things that had to be "opposed".

 I can pretty much assure you that most rumors are probably the exact opposite of how they appear. THAT is where the strength is found to move forward... you know your strengths and so do they. 

 With all the damage done, it still feels like a huge weight around your ankle.  But, you go.  Every time you pull that "ankle" forward, you are pissed that it was done TO you.

THAT is what they don't want the outside to know.  

They still have a hold with the smear campaign and the flying monkeys... just to "remind" you and drag you back in with their twisted mind fuckery.

 Remember the "magicians game", what you don't see is where the truth lies.  

Smear Campaigns and Why They Can Be More Dangerous Than You Understand

A "bad relationship" and accusations thrown... It's more normal than not. No shared children or assets, I had no reason to think I needed to do anything but move on with my life.

Without fully realizing it, I was beat with every branch that narcissistic abuse outlines.  

I have found the MOST out of line and COMPLETELY "wrong timing" falsified legal/medical documentation that in hindsight I see that because I did NOT have the reaction (losing it) to "final discard" that I was apparently supposed to, it became someone's obsession to make those illegal actions on their part have "merit" or someone was screwed.

 Here is where the line is crossed.  There are two schools of thought A) There was a giant conspiracy to harm and nearly kill my child B) Someone else lied about his head injury... possibly saying I made it up for my "attention seeking".  

One of the alleged narcs has been rumored to have "Munchausens" and "Munchausens by Proxy".  I made my feelings of  how I felt about this very vocal. Possible "projection".

 I don't know and really don't care.  See, no matter what "limitations" of reaching out my Facebook or phone had on them, I was there.  It wasn't his fault and it wasn't mine. 

 I was the one who held his head in my hands while the base of his skull filled with an orange sized pocket of blood.  I was the one who thought my only child was going to die.

  Did I "flip out" on everyone not attending to him quickly enough? Yep.  This was not a time to "bait" or prove I was "unbalanced".  This was about HIS LIFE.

 I was very upset to see that he was being absolutely brow beat for being nearly killed by ignoring this injury. 

 Imagine my FEAR to find out after his last concussion that the symptoms he had after his first head hit post first head injury was "Post Concussion Syndrome"... Brain swelling while in the care of people who did not either A) CARE B) BELIEVE IT HAPPENED.

 This is still "in play".

  I have a son who had a traumatic brain injury in addition to at least two more concussions.  Couple that with stealth shaming and abuse, two more "non-organic" issues are in play.

 As a mother, I have a job to raise a responsible young man.  I was on track for this PRIOR to my smear campaign. He's NOT the same.  But, I should tell him to "suck it up"?

I KNOW others were okay with his possible death.  I am supposed to act like "whoever" is no longer a danger?

THIS is the game changer for those who bought only part of a story.  Everyone has always loved him. THAT is when you see others change their attitude... It happened today.

 When you throw in what REALLY happened to an innocent fifteen year old kid to hurt his mother, people change their opinion quick. 

 Now, no one wants to speak.

Why? While "buying in" to my "insanity", they signed up as accomplices for attempted murder or manslaughter.  See the problem? 

 #Criitical #Thinking